shit happens

“Shit happens” is a common vulgar slang phrase used as a simple observation that life is full of unpredictable and often unpleasant events. It’s an acknowledgment that bad things happen to people seemingly for no particular reason. The phrase was first observed in 1964 but wasn’t used in a print publication until 1983.

The Oxford English Dictionary has this to say: “unpleasant situations are unavoidable. Also expressing a resigned attitude to any state of affairs or course of events: these things happen, such is life.”

Some humorist applied the saying to various religions and philosophies. Since these still make me laugh, though I’ve read them half a dozen times, here they are;

Taoism — Shit happens.

Confucianism — Confucius say, “Shit happens.”

Buddhism — If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.

Zen Buddhism — What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism — This shit happened before.

Mormonism — This shit is going to happen again.

Islam — If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.

Stoicism — This shit is its own reward.

Protestantism — Let this shit happen to someone else.

Calvinism — Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.

Pentecostalism — In Jesus’ name, heal this shit!

Catholicism — Shit happens because you deserve it.

Judaism — Why does this shit always happen to us?

Zoroastrianism — Shit happens half the time.

Marxism — This shit is going to hit the fan.

Atheism — No shit.

Seventh Day Adventist — No shit on Saturdays.

Existentialism — Absurd shit.

Agnosticism — What is this shit?

Nihilism — Who gives a shit?

Deconstruction — Shit happens in hegemonic meta-narratives.

Christian Science — Shit is in your mind.

Moonies — Only happy shit really happens.

Jehovah’s Witnesses — Knock, Knock, shit happens.

Scientology — Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard

Hare Krishna — Shit happens, Rama Rama.

Hedonism — There’s nothing like a good shit happening.

Rastafarianism — Let’s roll this shit and smoke it.

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